A couple of things that help to get through tough thoughts
The human experience is something that is filled with love, passion, creativity, joy,
connection, compassion, laughter… and the taste of chocolate. But
because we as human beings learn, evolve and grow through life’s ups and
downs, our experience also includes plenty of difficult situations that take a toll.
The key that I have come to rely on is to not let life’s difficult situations get the best of me, and you don't have to either.
Think about the most gut-wrenching situations you’ve endured in your life. Doing so likely brings up some very uncomfortable feelings. And the associated memories may stir anxiety, stress, anger or sadness, and thus, may continue to quietly affect the quality of your life. This is a predicament many of us face.
Now imagine how you would feel if you were able to get over these feelings. And by “get over” I mean you no longer suffering over something that has happened in the distant past. I know this is possible because I have come to peace with some extremely difficult, heartbreaking situations, and I’ve witnessed loads of others do the same.
So what are the secrets? Here are two that work for me…
1. Practice noticing, and then letting go of, your ideals.
When a difficult situation from your past stirs anxiety, anger, sadness, and so forth, it means there’s some ideal you’re attached to that’s triggering your suffering. It can be tough to notice this ideal at first, but with practice you can see it with ease. If you’re sad, for example, there’s an ideal situation you yearn for, and are holding on to, that doesn’t match reality. Perhaps a family member did something hurtful to you – you are sad because (ideally) this person shouldn’t hurt you. But this ideal – even if it makes sense – is NOT helping you, it’s hurting you. If you want the past to be different than it is, you’ll be sad or angry or anxious for the rest of your life. Noticing what you’re holding on to is the first step.
The second step is letting the ideal go. While it may be impossible to completely relinquish yourself from fantasizing about all your ideals, if you see that a particular ideal is causing you to suffer, you can make a conscious choice to let it go. Sure, in an ideal world your family would never hurt you, but again, that’s not reality. Letting go of this ideal means embracing the reality that every family member you have is a human being, and human beings sometimes make terrible mistakes. There’s nothing ideal about it, but that’s the truth, and it must be accepted.
Peace of mind in the long run is about allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with “what is,” rather than wishing for and worrying about “what is not.” “What is” is what’s real – the rest is just you, arguing with life. (covered in the "Happiness & Positive Living" module of "Getting Back to Happy")
2. Find something to be grateful for in the present moment, despite the situation.
Happiness doesn’t always make us grateful, but gratitude always helps us smile. Some may say that’s a cliché, but it’s not. Gratitude is the foundation. And happiness is simply the sacred experience of living with a genuinely grateful heart.
Expressing gratitude is so simple though, right? How could it possibly make that big of a difference?
Yes, being grateful seems simple enough, but a grateful state of mind is unbelievably hard to maintain when life disappoints us. And that’s the kicker – when we’re feeling down and disappointed, that’s exactly when a dose of gratitude is most powerful.
So what’s the best approach?
Being grateful starts with being present. You can’t appreciate your life when you’re not paying attention to it. And the truth is, we make our present situations much worse when we replay difficult past situations in our heads (“How could she possibly have done that to me?”), or when we ruminate over all the situations that might be problematic in the future (“What if he cheats on me?”). In the present moment, our real situation is rarely as convoluted as we make it out to be. And we can meet this moment with grace and gratitude, if we can truly stay in the present.
When our mind drifts into the past or speculates about the future, we must do our best to catch ourselves, and then refocus mindfully back on the present. Once we’re back, the key is to accept the moment as it is. Our reality can ruin us if we deny it and fight it … or we can accept it for what it is, be grateful for it, and gradually make the best of it. This takes practice, of course, because gratitude tends to escape us when we feel let down. But this is the real world, not an ideal world. And your reality always contains a silver lining of beauty, if you choose to see it.
Truly caring for you
email: aceabatutor@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/brownnasir
Moble: 07983424432
The key that I have come to rely on is to not let life’s difficult situations get the best of me, and you don't have to either.
Think about the most gut-wrenching situations you’ve endured in your life. Doing so likely brings up some very uncomfortable feelings. And the associated memories may stir anxiety, stress, anger or sadness, and thus, may continue to quietly affect the quality of your life. This is a predicament many of us face.
Now imagine how you would feel if you were able to get over these feelings. And by “get over” I mean you no longer suffering over something that has happened in the distant past. I know this is possible because I have come to peace with some extremely difficult, heartbreaking situations, and I’ve witnessed loads of others do the same.
So what are the secrets? Here are two that work for me…
1. Practice noticing, and then letting go of, your ideals.
When a difficult situation from your past stirs anxiety, anger, sadness, and so forth, it means there’s some ideal you’re attached to that’s triggering your suffering. It can be tough to notice this ideal at first, but with practice you can see it with ease. If you’re sad, for example, there’s an ideal situation you yearn for, and are holding on to, that doesn’t match reality. Perhaps a family member did something hurtful to you – you are sad because (ideally) this person shouldn’t hurt you. But this ideal – even if it makes sense – is NOT helping you, it’s hurting you. If you want the past to be different than it is, you’ll be sad or angry or anxious for the rest of your life. Noticing what you’re holding on to is the first step.
The second step is letting the ideal go. While it may be impossible to completely relinquish yourself from fantasizing about all your ideals, if you see that a particular ideal is causing you to suffer, you can make a conscious choice to let it go. Sure, in an ideal world your family would never hurt you, but again, that’s not reality. Letting go of this ideal means embracing the reality that every family member you have is a human being, and human beings sometimes make terrible mistakes. There’s nothing ideal about it, but that’s the truth, and it must be accepted.
Peace of mind in the long run is about allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with “what is,” rather than wishing for and worrying about “what is not.” “What is” is what’s real – the rest is just you, arguing with life. (covered in the "Happiness & Positive Living" module of "Getting Back to Happy")
2. Find something to be grateful for in the present moment, despite the situation.
Happiness doesn’t always make us grateful, but gratitude always helps us smile. Some may say that’s a cliché, but it’s not. Gratitude is the foundation. And happiness is simply the sacred experience of living with a genuinely grateful heart.
Expressing gratitude is so simple though, right? How could it possibly make that big of a difference?
Yes, being grateful seems simple enough, but a grateful state of mind is unbelievably hard to maintain when life disappoints us. And that’s the kicker – when we’re feeling down and disappointed, that’s exactly when a dose of gratitude is most powerful.
So what’s the best approach?
Being grateful starts with being present. You can’t appreciate your life when you’re not paying attention to it. And the truth is, we make our present situations much worse when we replay difficult past situations in our heads (“How could she possibly have done that to me?”), or when we ruminate over all the situations that might be problematic in the future (“What if he cheats on me?”). In the present moment, our real situation is rarely as convoluted as we make it out to be. And we can meet this moment with grace and gratitude, if we can truly stay in the present.
When our mind drifts into the past or speculates about the future, we must do our best to catch ourselves, and then refocus mindfully back on the present. Once we’re back, the key is to accept the moment as it is. Our reality can ruin us if we deny it and fight it … or we can accept it for what it is, be grateful for it, and gradually make the best of it. This takes practice, of course, because gratitude tends to escape us when we feel let down. But this is the real world, not an ideal world. And your reality always contains a silver lining of beauty, if you choose to see it.
Truly caring for you
email: aceabatutor@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/brownnasir
Moble: 07983424432
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