6 stratagies that will change your life and influence others.

 

I have 6 strategies that absolutely will change your life, these 6 strategies will take you to the next level in influencing people, making your life much better and you will feel more in control.

Take a 10 day challenge and watch how these 6 strategies will explode your relationships, not only in joy but vibrancy and connection to, you'll find yourself connecting on a much deeper level with others when you put these 6 strategies into practice.

So lets get into it, the first strategy is called Intention cues: what does that mean? well obviously the intention we have in our lives our careers and in our relationships matter,  there's power in knowing how we want to show up in our relationships, I always take on this thought, how do I want to serve in this situation, how do I want to be perceived in this situation. That intention, is the answer to those things, so lets think about your intention in your relationship,  how do you want to be when you show up.

If I asked you right now whats your intention in your most significant relationship for that person for that relationship could you write it down do you know or would you have to think about it like um well err, if your making it up then that's why you don't have that relationship, the intention hasn't been set or acted upon consistently over and over until its a reality, lots of people have intentions but they don't implement it and they haven't implemented it because they haven't set up cues that fire off a reminder that says, "this is how I want to be in the relationship, most people just kinda turn up and be them they never set an intention to be like here's how i want this relationship to go or here's how i want it to feel, they just turn up and react to other's emotional cues, versus carrying in their own intentional cues, if you could think about what other people would describe you as, like describe you in 3 words what would those words be?

I hope the world would describe me as!, what would the words on your tomb stone be? think about those words your top 3 words then put them in your phone alarm to go off like 3 times a day so when that alarm goes off one of those words come up, like for me one of those words are compassionate
like the Dali Lamas religion is to be compassionate.

In my life the most important people I have words for them like loving, compassion, understanding, attentive. And whenever I see that person that word pops into my head or that feeling because were always living in the feeling of the principle of thought from moment to moment and sometimes we are unaware of how are feeling in a moment of what I call disconnect so when I see a particular face my intention cue kicks in and I automatically go into that mode of which I choose for that person.

Myself I have a humble spirit but I had to develop that humble spirit because I understood that when you humble your spirit you grow, people who grow the most and learn the most they have the humility to say I could have probably handled that situation better and they focus on getting better at that and because they have the humble spirit and focus on the simple things they get better at them they develop a life mastery and ultimately they hit the level of high performance so, set up intentional cues.

2nd strategy is to set up energy triggers: most people don't think about the energy their feeling during the day, they may say i need a cup of coffee to give me more energy however they never really pay much attention to or think to themselves how am I feeling energy wise.
So let me give you an example of an energy trigger, when you walk through your door think about the energy that you feel, rate it on a scale from 1-10, I work with a lot of children diagnosed with ASD Autistic Spectrum Disorder and when I'm with a child I have to think about my energy level and how  it's going to effect that child,

In the early 1900's coaches use to put up on the door way entrance to the locker rooms "please be aware of the energy your carrying" your energy matters, it matters how you deal with you team your family, your partner and your children, one way I monitor my energy is when I hear the slam of a door I ask how am I feeling and can I boost my energy up? I train myself to respond to it and its really just there to help me come alive again, you gotta get back to connecting with your feelings your energetic state and inner child, the one thing I now always remind people of is that were always living in the feeling of the principle of thought taking place moment to moment, its like we wear feelings goggles and at any given moment our feelings indicate what type of thoughts are going on in our heads.

And we can change it.

If your aware of this again you can ask yourself how am I feeling? can I feel any better? can I boost myself up a bit can I improve my attitude can i improve my physical energy and if you just focus on it just for a few minutes everything can change because if you have an intention to be loving, nice, attentive and your energy is low, how do you think that is going to go down?.

The 3rd strategy, positive framing when you're going to speak to somebody even if its to give difficult feedback, the frame of the conversation is everything, meaning the first minutes of the conversation should be framed in a positive way, you know, you approach someone and your tone of voice is off and stern like your angry,  its called starting off on the wrong foot, how many times has that happen to you? you know this happens in relationships all the time like you walk into the kitchen and say hey honey and she or he say's WHAT? in an anguish way, well nice to see you to hahaha we forget, that's why you gotta start with a positive frame, and with that intention cue already set you will self correct.

So lets fix those starts, those first couple of vital minutes and boom we will achieve a different level of interaction with each other.

The 4th is Dept to joy to bounce: whats that? I hear you say, well teaching people in conversation to go deep in the conversation by asking great questions allowing them to maybe reflect and go a little deeper into why they feel the way they do about whatever it is your talking about.

Then,  bring it back up and end it with a little flare of joy to bounce, so lets say your out with you girlfriend or your friends and your sitting around a table most people keep their conversations superficial or just run off at the mouth because they don't ask follow up questions so when someone says something, instead of saying oh yea, ask questions that go a little deeper into why they feel that way, why that thing is important to them, what they wish would happen from it, who they would have to be to move towards it, I'm just saying , ask a lot of questions.

You start to understand somebody better when you ask great questions, there is the 5 layers of questions but as you go into depth bring that conversation back into joy if they are finding themselves in a down slide, it can help them and get them to a reflective place where they may get an impact or insight into themselves.

Then make a bounce from having a deep conversation to laughing, talking about things with enthusiasm and joy and if you learn to master this technique in your conversations, watch what happens, especially if your on a first date learn how to go deep in a conversation then bring it back to joy and enthusiasm, its soulful, it goes down like a roller coaster then comes right back up then there's a dance to the conversation you feel alive an that person will want to be around you and want to talk and spend time with you.

Bring range to the conversation and most important listen, sometimes most of my conversations build when I am present and active in my listening, I hear, your such a great conversationalist and actually I haven't said much but just listened and asked great questions and then listen. Your innate ability will allow you to connect and give you what you need exactly when you need it.

So lets have some soul and depth but also lets have some light an joy and enthusiasm change your tone. You master this you will see such a change. its amicable across all relationships its common sense but its not common practice.

The next one number 5 is benefit extension, were always trying to sell something convince someone of our beliefs what we think, maybe trying to convince your child to do better at math that's a sales pitch etc so benefit extension is how do you take the benefit of why they should do some thing beyond themselves, example you say hey little Shontay if you get better at math you will more likely do well in school ok, so the benefit to Shontay is to do well in school or Shontay if you do better in school you'll be more favored by your teacher, OK or hey Shontay if you do better in school I'll feel better about you, all of that is the benefit of only Shontay, benefit extension is making Shontay see how it benefits others and circling him with benefits that are social and are more than the extrinsic stuff there also intrinsic so let me give you another example Shontay do you think it hurts your teachers feelings when you don't' do good on your math test? Shontay says what do you mean? well your teacher she really tries hard for you and the class do you like her? yea I like her, well do you think she would feel happier if you would do better on your test?

Now we have just extended Shontay's concept of doing good on his test from himself an immediate benefit to a social one its benefiting his teacher and Shontay then you can extend it further, do you notice how your little brother follows you around and wants to do everything that you do? so if you do better in school perhaps he will do better to and that might change him to do better and now your extending the benefit right. And you can do this with anything if your selling a product its not just good for you its good for the family its good for the environment so your extending the benefit internally and externally, extend the benefit. People don't always connect the dots you have to connect the dots for them, you have to cover the basics for them but you cover the extended benefit with explicit conversation that changes the game.

The last one 6 is the Good bye standard having a good bye standard if you've never heard of it make sure you absolutely set it up in your life, and you do it with everybody. A good bye standard means what is the standard of emotional feeling you want others to feel when you leave. we all know people only recollect the last few moments or last few hours in the relationship they had with you, and so we've all heard the classic tragic traumatic story someone gets into an argument with their lover, parents, kid etc and he/she leaves and they get into a car accident and they are left feeling guilt and shame and upset and cant believe they said what they said they regret and hate themselves for their entire life because they left on bad terms, you know what I'm talking about, we've all had those arguments we left mad angry and we don't think, we believe there's gonna be another day everything will be cool

We all go through this, all our interactions end and we all think there/s gong to be another day, because we don't have a standard of how our conversation is going to end.

We end a relationship because of one bad conversation, someone doesn't call us back because of a series of bad conversations, you loose a relationship because you treated people like an ass not aware of how its ending.
we think there's going to be another day, another day to save the relationship make right what we made wrong and the reality is I know you have found out that sometimes that doesn't happen.

Endings matter develop your good bye standard, I want my friends and family to know that I love them, I value them, I treasure them so leave on a high note a positive note let people feel you, know you and be alive.

That's how you influence and get high performance value, demand the best.

Make common sense common practice

I hope this adds value, work on these 6 things over the next few weeks and watch how you relationships will change. Watch how you will change and when you demand of yourself to rise to another level of service and energy in the world everybody feels it and that's what changes the world.

Truly caring for you

And if you are struggling with any of this, know that your not alone we all are trying to improve and make our lives better.

Shoot me an email and we can see how these things play out in our lives

aceabatutor@gmail.com